How to Lose Work and Irritate People
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Here at Knowadays, we’ve seen the full spectrum of proofreaders from the worst to the best, but so far our blog has been heavily weighted in favour of the good ones. Today, though, we’ve decided to rectify that with our guide to being the absolute worst. So if you want to lose work and irritate clients, just do what we would never do and follow these tips!
1. Don’t Track Your Changes
As a proofreader, a simple way to make life difficult for all involved is to skimp on the professional processes that allow the client to see your changes. So when you’re about to turn on Microsoft Word’s Track Changes function, why not ignore it instead?
Your client will then have to wade through the document looking for changes, especially if you don’t tell them how to use the Compare function to look for edits either.
If your client calls you out for not tracking your changes, insist that it’s just how you work. Use words like policy. Be condescending (see also Be Rude to Clients). This will likely lose you any repeat work. This technique can also be used with an employer, which can be particularly useful if you’re looking to get the sack (see also Be Rude to Employers).
Alternatively, you can make sure your clean and tracked copies don’t match. If called out for this by a client, apologise half-heartedly and repeat the error until fired.
2. Be Rude to Clients
Acting superior towards clients is one of the best ways to lose work. Any comments on their work should be composed of thinly veiled sarcasm or straightforward bluntness.
Email communication should consist largely of references to your intellectual superiority to the client. If they ask questions, tell them they wouldn’t understand the answers. Or explain in an unnecessarily convoluted way so that they’re embarrassed to ask you to explain again.
On the phone, be huffy and abrupt. Act like the client isn’t worth your time. You’ll have a reputation as an egregious pain before you know it.
3. Be Rude to Employers
If you’re employed or do regular work for one company, be sure to act like a prima donna at every turn. Don’t let them get complacent. Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em annoyed.
Refuse to conform to the standard practices of the company you work for. Refuse to learn anything new. Make your employer fit in with whatever work style you’re used to.
When working on a document, make sure you cannot be contacted by any means. Turn off your phone. Do not answer emails. Go over your allotted time and give no indication of whether you ever intend to finish the document you started.
In general, do all you can to give the impression that you think the job is beneath you. Act like it’s an annoyance, and you’ll lose it in no time.
4. Impose Your Own Flowery Style on Everything
You’ve studied the English language for many years. You’ve won prizes for your stories at school. People on Facebook tell you that you should be a writer. So why not take that talent and spread it liberally over every document you proofread, regardless of context?
Yes, if you want to upset people and risk getting yourself, the company you proofread for and your client into trouble, try rewriting everything in your own ornate style.
They’ll thank you eventually. After all, who would want to say the cat sat on the mat when they could say the feline entity was perforce ensconced upon the hearthrug?
This cat has no time for your DH Lawrence nonsense.
These are just a few ways you can ruin your professional reputation. With a little application, we’re sure you can think of many more ways to be a horrible proofreader. Good luck!
